Dear Diary,

In my never-ending quest to better your life and mine, I’ve taken the advice of newfound brother from another mother, J-rad, a.k.a. Jared, a.k.a. Jaref (by Hugo).  What advice was this you ask Diary?  Well, the advice was to watch Red Eye.

For those of you not in the Red Eye Know, Red Eye is the best show on the Fox News Channel (yes, I know this doesn’t say much), however, it is also one of the most entertaining shows on television.  Take 2 parts crude humor, combine with 3 parts current events, pour into an emulsion of  comedians and journalists and you have yourself a recipe for Red Eye Awesomeness.  If its above description and its 3am time slot don’t already tell you, this show is not for the children.

If you are a night owl or own a Tivo, I highly recommend you check it out.  Even Leah approves.

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Originally uploaded by The Luck Family

Dear Diary,

Behold, the fruits of my labor. Leah did help with the painting, but I claim credit for everything else (which is essentially the crown molding).

Not a great shot there (I couldn’t really back up far enough the room is so small) so there are some more here.

Please keep in mind all of these were taken at like 1:30am, which is when we actually finished this project (having started 14 hours or so earlier).

Dear Diary,

Today I was surfing my Best Week Ever like usual and they had a post up saying that SNL didn’t suck TOO hard this past weekend. Not being someone to really watch SNL anymore myself (or really ever for that matter, but you knew that) I wanted to see what they liked.

So I clicked on, and found this….

SNL Digital Short ‘IRan so far’…. You will not be disappointed.

Dear Diary,

This past weekend I toiled away all day every day putting up crown molding in Brody’s soon to be nursery.  Diary, I must be honest with you (am I ever not?), it was not a lot of fun.  Where should I begin as I tell you about it?   Was it my woefully inadequate tools that made this seemingly simple task so difficult?  My serious lack of any carpentering experience?  My ‘I do it my own self’ attitude?  Perhaps it was all three.

Regardless of WHY, lets just say that I was barely up to the task of getting this job done (and even that remains to be seen once it is painted – Leah is skeptical).  Out of concern for you my dearest Diary I wanted to give you some tips should you ever need to install crown molding.

What to do when your wife asks you to install crown molding:

1. Refuse.
2. Seriously, you do not want to take this on.
3. Divorce is easier than crown molding.

What to do if you cannot convince your wife that you don’t need crown molding:

1. Cutting:
   • If you do not have a power miter saw, RENT one.  If you do have one, its probably not nice enough anyway, rent a more expensive one.  Only the mentally challenged attempt to use a hand saw.  Also, hire someone to operate said power saw.
   • Do not use your child’s changing table as a work bench.  Shockingly, a 3ft wide table doesn’t work well for cutting 8ft long pieces of wood.  Instead, hire someone who has a workbench.
   • Wood?  Yes, do not buy wood ‘composite’ crown molding.  Cheaper?  Sure! Huge headache?  Abso-freaking-lutely!  If you are concerned about cost, stop now.  You will only succeed in taking 10 years off your life expectancy.  Instead, hire someone to buy your wood for you.
2. Attaching to the wall:
   • Do not fit inside corners with 2 45 degree angled pieces.  No corner in your house is angled at 90 degrees.  None.  Instead, fit one piece flush and cope the other fitting piece.  Coping is a very simple process (they would have you believe) sure to only take you 4 hours per corner.  Hire someone.
   • Do not attempt to use a nail set to get your nails below the wood surface.  Instead of holding a tiny nail set and trying to hit the center of a nail head that is < 1/8 of an inch wide, rent or buy a nail gun.   Also, hire someone to use the nail gun.
   • Do not attempt to attach the wood to the wall without someone helping you hold it.  Instead, hire 2 people.  One to hold and one to nail (gun).
3. Fixing your mistakes:
   • If you have taken my advice so far, you won’t have any mistakes.  If you haven’t, hire someone to fix your mistakes.

So my dear diary, in summation, installing crown molding is as simple as hiring 7 men, renting/buying hundreds of $$ of power tools and buying the most expensive material you can find.  But don’t worry, I’m sure it will increase the value of your home by at LEAST $50.